Ok, so it was actually a weight loss plan, that veered off in the direction of the chips and dip and became a weight gain plan. I don’t know why this is so hard! I was always a skinny girl, right up until I hit 30 when I had my second child, when I gained 30 lbs that just wouldn’t come off. Then I made my way up to 180 lbs after my third child, had a sob session with the scale and then got to work. I lost 30 lbs (in two years…slow and steady wins the race, right?) and then got pregnant again. This time I have been stuck around 160-170 lbs for a long time. Shortly after my hysterectomy last year, I dropped down to 140 lbs and I was feeling pretty good about myself, but here I am again…over 160 🙁
Now 160 lbs doesn’t sound like a lot to some people, but I am a small person. I’m not just short, I’m petite. I have small hands, small feet and 5″ wrists. I looked great at around 110 lbs, and started to look overweight when I got over 130 lbs. I don’t feel good at this weight. My back hurts. I’m tired. It’s not good.
I hate how I look. I hate my double chin and my cottage cheese thighs, yet when I have a choice between doing a workout or sitting at the computer…I’ll take the computer, and pass me some cake while I’m sitting there. When I have the opportunity to walk to the kids’ school and pick them up, 9 times out of 10 I will jump in the car and drive. When I can choose between chips or raw veggies with my lunch, I take both because I like veggies and they’re good for you, and chips are yummy too. I think I have deep seeded issues and I need Dr. Phil. Or maybe Jillian Michaels. No, she scares the hell out of me…
So I have reached a crossroads. I can continue gaining until I can actually qualify to be on the Biggest Loser, or I can do something about it now. I’ve been reading Chicken Soup for the Soul: Shaping the New You and it is inspiring me do something. The view of me in the full length mirror is giving me even more inspiration, and an exciting new job on the horizon is giving me the final push. I dug out my Weight Watchers program and I’m going to use it, since my “just eat right and exercise” plan has failed miserably.
Money is tight, so I’m not attending weight watchers meetings, and I know this is something that has been very helpful to me in the past, so I hope I can still make it work. Now to get off the computer and move my body for awhile….