I try to be positive most of the time, and I don’t generally use my blog as a place to vent my frustrations, but today I am venting because tomorrow… I turn 40.
I’ve never been someone to dwell on the numbers or stress about my age. I know that age is a frame of mind and that it doesn’t mean anything, and I have never had a problem having a birthday. In fact, I always thought it was a little silly to be upset about getting older, so I hate that I am letting it bother me. That is not who I want to be. But all of the logic in the world isn’t changing how I feel. I don’t want to be 40.
I’m not sure what it is about 40 that is bothering me. Maybe it’s that I thought people were established in their lives at 40 and that’s not the case for me. Or maybe it’s the realization that I will never have the body I had at 20 and no matter how much I thought it wouldn’t happen, I’m getting wrinkles and I need bifocals. I’m past the excitement of pregnancy and new babies, and I don’t get admiring looks from anyone other than my husband. There is far more gray in my hair than brown anymore, and it all just makes me kind of sad.
So tomorrow I’m going to mope and be sad that I’m getting older, but when the kids get home from school I’m going to put on my big girl panties and suck it up….because it’s part of life and they don’t need to think that it’s bad to get older.
But just between us … 40 sucks.
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