Kidsumers

ADHD Diagnosis: When does it matter?

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Sheri

Being the parent of a child with ADHD can be difficult for a lot of reasons: dealing with challenging behaviours, making decisions about medication, dealing with judgmental people, watching your child struggle socially, just to name a few. I firmly believe that we can not use the ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for inappropriate behaviour, but at the same time I know that it is a factor to be considered. This week we are dealing with some challenges at school. My ADHD child hit another child. He was provoked when the child took his new toy and stomped on it then threw it into the mud where they could not find it, and he reacted by hitting.

This is not okay. This is not okay for a child with ADHD. This is not okay for a child without ADHD. He needs a consequence for this behaviour, and we need to discuss alternative reactions he could have chosen. We are doing this, and we always do this with him.

He is impulsive. He doesn’t think about how his actions impact others. He doesn’t consider consequences. These are all typical behaviours of children with ADHD, and we need to work extra hard to help him learn to control his temper and consider consequences. This is a long slow process that I don’t expect to change overnight. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he hits someone again.

But he will be suspended if he does.

My son is in grade 2 and has ADHD, and he will be suspended if he hits another child.

I am very afraid that this is going to happen. He will act out, be suspended and be forever labeled the “bad kid” who was suspended in grade 2. It will impact his school experience because teachers will give him that label. It will impact him socially because kids who think of him as the “bad kid”. It will impact his self esteem. And I don’t think it’s right.

Honestly, I don’t believe any child should be automatically suspended in grade two. And I especially don’t think a child with ADHD should be suspended in this situation. If he was hitting someone without provocation I might agree with suspension. If he was reacting aggressively on a regular basis, I would agree with suspension. However, he has these challenges in his life that make it difficult for him to contain himself and he was provoked (and if he hits someone again I KNOW it will be a provoked attack). Other than add stigma and shame, what does suspension actually accomplish? Give him indoor recesses so he is still getting his education but not getting the opportunity to fight on the playground. Make him write down why he shouldn’t hit and how hitting impacted everyone. Either of these consequences would teach the child something without making them feel like they are “bad” and basically telling them you don’t want them around.

So my question is, should a child with an ADHD diagnosis be treated differently than a child without ADHD?

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Comments

7 responses to “ADHD Diagnosis: When does it matter?”

  1. Tammy Avatar
    Tammy

    Does he have a behavior plan in place that addresses this? I wish I had some practical advice to give you. This is a tough situation. Maybe he needs a one on one aide until he learns control?

    Reply
    1. Sam Avatar
      Sam

      Since he started medication last year, his behaviour has been very manageable, so none of this has been necessary. It is very unusual for him to hit another child (who is not his sibling), but because he has ADHD he does have impulse control issues and I know it is likely to happen again at some point.

      Reply
  2. lisa Avatar
    lisa

    I think its a really hard line. I’m dealing with this in a totally different manner at school as my oldest is both adhd and very very bright. He needs to be challenged and is getting bored at school but because he is required to dot he regular work first he has taken to shoving the stuff in his desk he doesn’t want to do and doodling or whatever he can get away with. It’s hard to say I need you to help him stay on track and not let this happen but he’s deserving of challenges. It’s complicated with ADHD.

    I think that when it comes to hitting, there has to be consistent rules because its something obvious to other kids and it can easily cause problems if everyone does have the same consequences for hitting. HOWEVER, I’d push very hard for a little extra eye on him so that he isn’t able to be pushed that far. He needs to CONSTANTLY be told by you and his teachers and anyone else responsible for him (ie lunchtime staff) that he can get help when someone is treating him unfairly. This is a HUGE trigger for both of my boys as well. Even at home when they think they are being treated unfairly, we can have huge trantrums etc. I think I would push and push for the school to understand since this isn’t the norm and only happening under extreme cases, you expect them to keep your son from being in these situations.

    Reply
  3. Zene Avatar
    Zene

    As a teacher I will say, we try to do the most we can for each child no matter what, but with all the staffing and funding issues that prevent a fair ratio of kids to teachers/aides it is so hard to give each child his/her due attention. It is especially hard to have 30 kids in a class and feel like only a few get all the attention, because of this, I urge you to get an IEP (individual education plan) that will help your son get the fair treatment, attention, and education he deserves. Your school district will probably try to talk you out of it because it means more work for them. In this case the iep would be able to say that he needs one on one supervision on the playground so he would be less likely to get in this situation. It could also state that unless being aggressive, hitting would be punished in some other way for the year, and could be revisited each year to meet the need. My husband has ADHD really bad, a counselor even told him that he was the worst case he had ever seen in his career! As an adult he was taking 2 /12 hr doses of adderall a day! He now self medicated with coffee 😉 but often struggles and thinks of going back on his meds. He was the “naughty” kid in church, and daycare, hit kids in Sunday school, and youth group, got kicked out of many social situations, but has turned into a great adult. I imagine that both my sons will inherit their fathers legacy 😉 as it is very genetic! (and I will admit my family carries the add geans too, just not the hyperactivity). My eldest son is now 5, though does splendid in preschool, struggles endlessly with directions, attention (seems self explanatory 😉 ), and has issues sharing attention, ESP at home. I see meds in our near future, either for myself or my kid 😉 lol. I wish you all the best! If you need more help please ask.

    Reply
    1. Sam Avatar
      Sam

      Thanks Zene. My son’s class has 19 kids, but I do think that would be a lot to handle as well. I love his teacher and the school, and they were very cooperative to set up a plan with us when he was diagnosed. Last year he had a lot of things in place to help him stay focused on his work and his behaviour and they were very effective, but none are in place this year because he was doing so well (this incident aside). The VP is new to the school and is the one who said he will be suspended. She was not aware of his ADHD, but didn’t seem to feel it was relevant and I didn’t push it during our brief meeting because I was really feeling like I had just been called a bad parent because of my son’s behaviour. I’m guessing she doesn’t have children.

      Reply
      1. Zene Avatar
        Zene

        I think you were probably right in not saying anything during the meeting. You now have had time to think about a plan of action. I’m not quite sure why they have such a harsh discipline plan in place for young children. I would urge you to propose an individualized discipline plan for age groupings, as age appropriate. Being suspended after only two mild confrontations is absurd! I should say that the preschool I teach at (I tach the two yr old class) has a three strikes policy, but we are VERY easy with this. We do not enforce this with the twos, as it is not age appropriate. The child has to be VERY aggressive and the parents have had to been notified multiple times and not been resolved. In your case it really seems like the policy is not matching the incident. I would bring this up in any future meetings. Another possibility may be, but doesn’t sound like it, that your son is more of a problem at school than they have let on in the past. I have known teachers to NEVER report a negative incident until October conferences, and even then they gloss over the important issues. This does no good to the child or parent. I don’t think that is what this sounds like.

        Reply
        1. Sam Avatar
          Sam

          I know his teacher and I check in with her regularly. She says she is surprised he was a problem last year. Right now I am just going over how he would handle different situations every morning before he goes to school.

          Reply

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